MARRY ME- HOW TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT THE RING
Okay, so in the famous opening words of Ed Sheeran’s smash single, Perfect, “You’ve found the one…”. The way he says your name makes your head spin and the mere thought of his presence suddenly makes everything seem so much better. While you have flaws and do acknowledge them, he thinks your quirky imperfections are what make you special. He knows you better than almost everyone and you’re most comfortable around him than anyone else, but someway somehow, you’ve ended up on my blog trying to figure out a way to bring up the topic of marriage to him. Crazy, isn’t it?
The truth is, having a conversation about the ring is a very scary thing to do, especially when your Instagram feed is clogged with a plethora of “surprise” engagement videos. You don’t want to come across as needy or demanding and that’s perfectly understandable. Moreover, you probably don’t want to ruin his surprise proposal either (if you’re into that sort of thing). Having been in this love and dating game for a while, I can tell you in confidence that most of those videos are scripted for the Gram. What you saw was just a proposal. What they didn’t show you was the multiple sets of behind-the-scenes conversations they had about it. The truth is, when these proposals end up being actual surprises, you stand the risk of getting stuck with an outdated piece of jewellery that you will probably hate. You can click here to check out the story of these four women who admitted to Cosmopolitan Magazine that they hated their engagement rings.
If you would love to get the ring and get the exact one you want, then you would need to have a conversation with your partner. However, to make sure you don’t have an awkward chat, I put together these 6 tips to help you have a beautiful discussion on getting married
- Have Impeccable Timing: Don’t bring up this conversation when there’s tension between you two or something isn’t going right for him. You would instantly become burdensome to him. Be sure to bring it up at a moment where you’re both happily sharing thoughts with each other
- Start from the end: A wedding and a proposal are only a day each but marriage lasts a lifetime. Start from the bigger picture. Talk about how you imagine your future with him and talk about exciting things you’ll love to do as a couple. From there, track back to the wedding, then talk about the proposal and the ring.
- Be direct: Don’t be subtle. Men are very direct creatures. They don’t appreciate beating around the bush. Let him know what you would want and why. However, be sure to express yourself honestly and respectfully so you don’t come across as demanding.
- Ask Great Questions: It takes two to have a conversation. Make sure you’re not the only one talking. Ask him meaningful questions and try to get his opinions about as many things as possible. It might surprise you to know that some men love to be extremely flamboyant when it comes to things like rings and weddings. He might even have some great ideas you hadn’t thought of.
- Have Suggestions: Remember, you’re having this conversation because you want a certain outcome. Prior to initiating the conversation, you should have a general idea about what you want. As the conversation continues, you could say, “I’ve saved some pictures of some lovely rings we could get, do you want to see them?” More often than not, he’ll say yes because he really needs to know what ring excites you. He doesn’t want to risk getting you a ring you’ll hate. From there you can pick a few choices and work around them. You could also suggest going ring shopping together.
- Be Patient: Follow-ups are a good way to get people to commit but don’t remind him every day about it. This will make it seem like you’re bothering him. Do be patient and remind him once in a while if it looks as if he’s getting too comfortable. Remind him that you need to get it done as soon as possible to seal the deal.
At the end of the day, a beautiful marriage is the more desired outcome. Don’t be so focused on the proposal that you forget that it’s an invitation to share someone’s world for the rest of your life. If your partner doesn’t seem interested in the idea of marriage, don’t force it. Find someone who is. Life is too short to be chasing a ‘Maybe’ when there’s someone waiting to be your ‘Yes and Now’
But listen to this . . .
If you’ve ever been heartbroken, if you’ve ever been cheated on, if you’ve ever dated men below your standard and never really understood what it means to be truly loved, I have news for you.
Absolutely nothing is going to change. Not even one bit . . .
Unless you take matters into your own hands
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